Two weeks, from two days ago-I turn 50. I pick-up the motherfucking paper today, and I stumble across an article that literally makes my nuts want to shrink well before the supposedly inevitable, lower levels of estrogen driven decline of their prolific productivity. It’s bad enough, that as the only male in my area at work, I get pimp-slapped on a regular, by the ever-present, overabundant, eruption of estrogen driven insanity present on any given workday. The same two women at odds with each other one minute, will be soon seen shopping together, and inhaling cafe mochas, like a cum-guzzling, cracked-out whore, on her “suck-lected” corner of any big city. I thought losing testosterone was what eventually humbled husbands and boyfriends across the globe, but it’s actually a DECREASE in the main hormone responsible for forming the shapes we love the most=Tits&Ass-GO FIGURE???
I get off work, and come home to my wife and daughter. I love them dearly, but my manhood is ALREADY under siege by estrogen driven attacks. Fingernail polish, mood swings, that rival the strongest punch of Mike Tyson, combined with complaints about leaving the toilet seat up, are apparently the least of my problems. I have to worry about adding weight to my 6’4″ 195 pound skinny ass, by way of my stomach, while possibly growing titties as well. Fuck, the last thing I want to resemble is the picture of rapper Rick”I need a bra, bro” Ross shown in the photo above. My daily/hourly desire to be constantly embedded in the fantastic folds of my wife’s wonderland, will allegedly be replaced by the reality of possessing a big stick, with the potency of a small pistol …without one live bullet= Decreased levels of estrogen-No Thank You!
Pretty soon, supposedly my Johnson will have to rise above my waistline to reach its intended target. I’ll cry at the drop of a hat, wishing that my low hanging balls will turn blue, once again, from a pill that promises to raise them from their age-related catatonic state of constant quietness. Until then, I will proudly turn 50, feeling like I’m 30, with all important body parts fully intact and functioning properly. Maybe one day, a decrease in the daily battle against estrogen will get the best of me, but for now, “I got a lion in my pocket, and baby he’s ready to ROAR”-even if he can now use a AARP card to do so~Daryl
Lyric-From Prince’s ‘Little Red Corvette‘